


The Thing About Crushes

by Ninja_Librarian



Series: Shidge Week 2016 [5]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Shiro, Asexuality, Bonding Time, Day 5: Coming Out, Demisexual Character, Demisexuality, F/M, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Genderfluid Pidge | Katie Holt, Love Confessions, Mutal Pining, Pansexual Character, Pining, Shidge Week 2016, Shidge Week Day 5: Coming Out, Shidge Week: Coming Out, demisexual shiro, sleep-overs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-23
Updated: 2016-09-23
Packaged: 2018-08-16 21:06:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8117602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ninja_Librarian/pseuds/Ninja_Librarian
Summary: The thing about crushes, Pidge realized, was that you never really knew if they were reciprocated until you risked making a fool out of yourself in trying to figure that particular detail out.
It was a little harder when you weren’t even sure if your crush was actually interested in your sex.
-----
Crushes are complicated. But it's a good thing sleep-overs exist so that you can talk about your crush among friends.
And... maybe talk about your crush... With your crush...





	

The thing about crushes, Pidge realized, was that you never really knew if they were reciprocated until you risked making a fool out of yourself in trying to figure that particular detail out.

It was a little harder when you weren’t even sure if your crush was actually interested in your sex.

Pidge knew Matt had used to tease Shiro mercilessly because he never dated while at the Garrison, often turning girls down as politely as possible. Pidge couldn’t blame all of these girls for having crushes on Shiro. After all, she did. And Shiro was a total package deal: smart, handsome, kind-hearted and good natured, and one heck of a pilot.

But Matt seemed to know that this was a sure-fire way to turn Shiro’s face red as he insisted that he was just too shy and awkward around girls.

So, six months before the Kerberos lift-off, while at a sleep-over with her friends, the topic of crushes came up. Pidge—then still known only as Katie—had, for once, boldly started telling her friends about her crush, conveniently leaving out that he was older (“he goes to a different school”) and, more importantly, that he was the pilot her father had hand-picked for the Kerberos mission (“yeah, I’m sure you don’t know him at all”).

She raved and gushed all about him, from his looks to his personality to every sweet little gesture he had ever made towards her, making the other girls swoon.

“Oh, he sounds so dreamy!” Her friend Cassie said as she dramatically flopped back onto her pillow, fanning herself with her hand.

“Are you sure he doesn’t have a girlfriend?” Tasha asked. “’Cause, the way you describe him, how can he not?”

“Oh, yeah, I’m sure!” Katie had said with a nod. “He gets a lot of attention from other girls, but he doesn’t date and I have my sources who would tell me if he did.”

The other three girls exchanged a look, eyebrows raising and then giving Katie a look of pity.

“What?” Katie had demanded. “What’s wrong?”

“Katie…” Nicole said calmly and kindly. “Are you sure he’s not… you know… gay?”

“What? No, of course he’s not!” Katie exclaimed, indignant. “He’s self-proclaimed shy and awkward around girls. But he’s really popular anyways and he gets a lot of attention and—”

Katie froze, suddenly remembering the last time Shiro had come over for the weekend with Matt. How Matt had teased Shiro for constantly checking his phone for new texts worriedly, and told Shiro that Keith would be fine on his own for a weekend without Shiro.

Keith was definitely a boys’ name.

“Oh no…” Katie whispered, eyes wide and shoulders drooping. “He might be gay…”

Her friends simply patted her on the shoulders and fed her copious amounts of peanut butter cups and ice cream.

However, Katie thought she still had a chance when—just a week later—Matt fully explained who Keith was to her and her parents. Just a underclassman and up-and-coming pilot whom Shiro was mentoring.

Katie could not answer her mother’s question as to why she was smiling like she was.

Of course, then her crush got complicated again when he supposedly died alongside her brother and father.

Then it got really complicated when said crush came back to life via crashing to Earth in an alien spacecraft. And then somehow it got even more complicated when she, her crush, the kid he used to mentor, and her two teammates from the Garrison found a magic robot lion, ended up going through a wormhole, waking up an alien princess and piloting more magic robot lions to save the entire universe from an evil warlord and to find her missing dad and brother.

There was a time and place for everything, and Katie was sure the middle of an inter-galactic war and space wasn’t really the time to try and sort out your feelings for your brother’s best friend slash your new team leader.

Especially when there’s the potential he could be gay.

So fast forward to a few years after that night with her friends, Katie—now Pidge—was at another ‘sleep-over’, this one in the Castle’s lounge, wearing comfortable, over-sized Green Paladin pajamas while braiding Allura’s hair.

Lance had declared the night necessary for team-bonding.

Everyone else was sure it was necessary because Lance was bored and wanted entertainment.

They all enjoyed themselves. Though, somehow—Pidge wasn’t quite sure how—their game of Truth or Dare hadn’t lasted for very long, and instead turned into everyone taking turns asking a question and getting answers about each other. What they’re favorite food was, what they missed most about Earth, what was a funny story from their childhood, that sort of thing.

Now that she thought about it, maybe it was them trying to truly convince Allura that they were trying to do team bonding.

So of course, Lance being Lance, decided to ask the question, “Who was your first kiss, how old were you and where did it take place?”

Hunk turned red and confessed about sharing a New Year’s kiss with a close female friend the year they left Earth.

Lance’s first was the captain of his junior high’s girls soccer team at a Valentine’s Day dance when he was twelve.

Allura’s was a handsome Altean boy who was the son of a lord, at a summer festival when they were small children. She then looked a little sad and wistful at the memory.

Keith’s was a boy named Rob on a playground at midnight, after they apparently had spray-painted a nearby wall and nearly got caught. (Keith pointedly ignored Shiro’s disappointed Dad-look over the open and unabashed admission to vandalism and other mischief.)

Pidge frowned when it came to their turn.

“Okay, but does it count as a ‘first kiss’ when you really didn’t want it and immediately dunked his head into a punch bowl after he finally got off of you?” She asked.

“No, it doesn’t.” Lance said, looking indignant on Pidge’s behalf. “That’s not a first kiss at all. That’s… Okay, I need his name, I’m gonna kill him.”

“Lance, don’t get angry, it was years ago and he’s light years away. And I think having to explain to his parents and all the chaperones why he got half-drowned in punch—which subsequently dyed his blond hair pink until the end of the school year—was punishment enough.” Pidge said with an evil grin.

Lance’s lips twitched into a smile at that.

“Okay, fine.” He said. “But, to clarify, it only counts as a first kiss if you both want it.”

“Alright, then I haven’t been kissed.” Pidge said with a shrug.

“Shiro?” Lance then prompted, looking suddenly giddy for details.

Shiro, however, only turned red, absentmindedly scratching the back of his head.

“I… Uh… Am in the same boat as Pidge…” He admitted. “Never dated, so, never kissed…”

This led to a series of outraged and confused exclamations.

“What? No way, I don’t believe that at all.” Hunk said, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Shiro, come on, we’re not stupid.” Lance said. “You’re, like, stupidly hot. Girls had to be all over you!”

“They were.” Keith said with a small smirk, earning him a glare from Shiro. “Just how many times a week were you asked out, Shiro?”

Shiro ran a hand through his hair with a sigh.

“Too many…” He admitted. “It was really uncomfortable.” He turned to look at Pidge. “And your brother did not make it any easier, by the way.”

“Yeah, I remember.” Pidge said with a small smile. “Since I doubt he’ll ever apologize for it, I give you the formal Holt apology on his behalf.”

“Shiro, my man, my buddy, my pal, do you know how many guys would have loved to have been in your Garrison-issued boots? Myself among them?” Lance said in all seriousness. “And you just turned all of these lovely ladies down?”

“I just wasn’t interested in any of those girls.” Shiro insisted.

“Okay, so not girls.” Lance said, folding his arms over his chest. “I’m pretty sure there were dudes in the ‘I want to date Shiro’ club at the Garrison.”

_Other than you and Keith._ Pidge thought to herself, having figured out a long time ago that she hadn’t been the only one on board with a crush on Shiro. However, since the other two were now dating each other, she was pretty sure she was the only one now.

“Yeah, there were. And, before you ask, I wasn’t interested in them either.” Shiro said, starting to look more uncomfortable.

“Well, why not?” Lance asked. “What are you interested in then?”

“Can’t you just drop it already?” Pidge asked, feeling a bit irritated and a lot more confused about Shiro and her feelings for him. “Why does it matter that much to you anyways, Lance?”

“It’s okay, Pidge,” Shiro insisted. He took a deep breath and said, “To answer your questions, Lance, I’m in the gray area. I’m… well, I don’t think I’m entirely asexual, probably more along the lines of demisexual, because I feel attraction, just not immediately, and it’s not entirely sexual. It just takes a while and needs an emotional bond first.”

“Like the bonds with the Lions?” Allura asked.

Shiro shrugged.

“Probably the closest example.” He said. “It took a lot of time and getting to know each other that has made each of us have the bond we have with our Lions and work well together.”

“So what I’m getting from this is,” Lance said, suddenly smirking and switching to a sing-song tone. “You have someone you _like_. Anyone we _know_?”

Shiro blushed even harder and averted his gaze.

“Yeah, not happening.” He said.

“Really?” Keith said, shoving Lance’s shoulder. “That’s what you got out of this?”

“Oh, come on, it’s not a proper sleep-over until you start talking about your crushes!” Lance said, shoving Keith back. “I’ll tell you mine!”

Keith fumed at that and grabbed his pillow, hitting Lance with it repeatedly as he yelled,

“WE! ARE! DATING! YOU! IDIOT!”

“I meant my celebrity crush!” Lance said, trying to block the pillow attacks. “You know full well that you’re the last crush I had that I could actually have a chance with!”

Pidge took the opportunity to stand up, making an excuse about going to get a juice pouch from the kitchen, and ran out of the lounge, silently cursing Lance and sending mental encouragement to Keith to hit the Blue Paladin harder.

She stood in the kitchen, forehead pressed against the cool metal of the refrigerator, sorting out thoughts and feelings.

So. Not gay. But not necessarily straight either.

And… probably most definitely had a crush.

That was probably most definitely not her, she realized as she threw open the fridge door.

She just had to accept that. Get over it. It was just a silly crush she had had since she was twelve.

“Need some help?”

Pidge yelped and jumped, hitting her head on the top of the fridge compartment. She poked her head out to see Shiro standing there, eyes a bit wide.

“Sorry,” He said. “Didn’t mean to frighten you. You okay?”

“Oh, yeah, I’m fine, thanks.” Pidge said. She held up a juice pouch. “Um, want one?”

“Sure.” He said, holding out his hand for the pouch. “Uh, fair warning, Lance tried to retaliate and accidentally threw his pillow in Allura’s face so now there’s a full-fledged pillow fight going on in there. Hunk may be the one of us who is most against fighting, but he’s kind of vicious when the weapons-on-hand are pillows or food goo.”

“So, uh, you came to wait out the battle, then?” Pidge said. Shiro nodded. “Well, then we might as well get comfortable. Who knows how long that’ll last?”

Shiro nodded with a smile and they pulled up chairs at the countertop, each fiddling with their own juice pack.

“You know, you didn’t have to answer Lance’s stupid question. Any of them. You could have left or told him to let it go and he probably would have if you gave him the right ‘don’t push it’ look.” Pidge said after a moment.

“I know.” Shiro said with a small nod, focused on getting the straw in the pouch. “But… I’ve been thinking about it for a while. Coming out as demi and ace to you all.”

“Really? Why?” Pidge asked, tilting her head.

“Well, everyone else did.” Shiro said. “You as a girl, then again as gender-fluid and pan. Keith as gay, Lance as bi, Allura and Coran basically the alien equivalent of pansexual.”

“And poor Hunk as our token straight.” Pidge snickered.

Shiro chuckled.

“Yeah.” He said. “But, in short, you all have trusted so much with me and to me, I kind of wanted to return the favor, even if this is just kind of something small.”

“Well, thanks.” Pidge said.

They were both quiet another moment, then Shiro said,

“Katie? I, um, I want to trust you with something else.”

“You do?” Pidge said, brow furrowed.

“Yeah.” Shiro said. “Um, remember that other thing Lance asked me about? My crush?”

“Oh, um, yeah…” Pidge said, feeling their heart sink a bit. “Yeah, sure, okay.”

“So… They’re really smart,” Shiro said, absently messing with the corner of the pouch. “And really funny. And really pretty, though they don’t often see that. Kind, but always just a little sad. So amazingly smart.”

Pidge was starting to seethe, hating this person already. In her head, she was setting fire to a faceless, nameless being until Shiro said,

“And they are a phenomenal pilot. And very brave. Very loyal. Goal oriented. They love their nerd of an older brother very much, and their father, and they won’t stop until they’ve found them both. And thinks that laser guns sound like ‘pchew, pchew’.”

Pidge felt her cheeks heat as she stared at Shiro with wide eyes and he continued,

“And I’m not really sure how they feel about me.” Shiro said. “Because technically I’m one of their authority figures, and just their older brother’s friend. And I’m all scarred, mentally and physically and I don’t really agree with Lance when he says I’m ‘stupidly hot’ because of all of that. But I’ve known them for a long time now, and I kind of started feeling attracted to them before the Kerberos mission, but I didn’t understand it at the time. But now we’ve been in space together for nearly three years now, fighting side by side and… and I finally got it all sorted out in my head and heart. But I’m scared I’m going to mess everything up. So that is why I haven’t told them how I felt before.”

Pidge stared at him for a long moment, stunned.

Shiro sighed and rubbed his forehead with the palm of his flesh hand.

“I’m sorry,” He said. “Forget I said anything.”

“No,” Pidge said. “Because I… I need to tell you about my crush now. ‘Cause technically it’s still a sleep-over, and if Lance was right about one thing—and surprisingly he was right about quite a few things tonight—it’s that you talk about your crushes at sleep-overs.”

Shiro looked at her, confused. Pidge smiled and said,

“He’s incredibly kind and thoughtful. Friendly, but also a little shy. Protective and caring. He brings out all the good in people. He’s a natural leader, and people flock to him. People listen when he speaks and follow him without hesitation. A phenomenal fighter, strategist and pilot. He’s a gentle soul, but strong. But sometimes, he’s not as strong as he wants people to think, and that’s okay. He needs to know that’s okay. That nothing is going to change, that the people that matter most to him, that count on him the most, are still going to follow him. Still respect him and trust him.”

Pidge’s smile grew as she took Shiro’s hands in her own.

“He makes all these dorky jokes, but I can’t help but love them because they make him smile, and seeing his genuine, really happy, not a happy-mask smile is rare somedays. He’s always determined to do what’s right, and always has the courage to fight for what’s right, encouraging others to do the same.

“And, basically, I’ve liked him since I was, like, twelve. Figured it was normal, you know, having a crush on your brother’s friend. Maybe I’d grow out of it someday. Things got complicated for a while in that regard, and then they got really complicated. But here I am. All those years later, and I’m still crushing hard on him. And he’s been through a lot. Emotionally. Physically. Mentally. It’s left some scarring.”

Pidge reached up to cup Shiro’s cheek, her thumb brushing over the end of the scar across his face.

“And despite what he thinks, he’s not going to mess everything up.” Pidge said softly, staring into Shiro’s eyes, smirking some. “And he is ‘stupidly hot’. Even if he does think laser guns sound like ‘blam, blam’.”

Shiro chuckled, reaching up to put his warm hand over hers, entwining their fingers.

“Wow, I’m going to have to meet this guy someday.” He said teasingly.

“I think you’ll like him,” Pidge said dryly, but a huge smile still on her face. “I’m kind of crazy about him.”

“I’m the same way about my crush.” Shiro said. He hesitated, biting his lower lip for a moment, then said, “Katie.. Can I… Can I give you a better—okay, I can’t say better, I’ve never done this—but a much more real first kiss?”

Pidge smiled.

“I’d like that very much.” She said.

And, slowly, hesitantly, they leaned in.

Neither of them could or would say that it was the best kiss. After all, neither of them were exactly experienced in the art of kissing.

But it was the first of many more to come.

And that was what made it absolutely perfect.


End file.
